I've Always Dated Cougars!

Hi Lucia,

Wow I'd never heard of this website until today - enjoyed exploring it.

I'm a 28 year old guy who has always dated ladies over 40. I would never date anything less.  I have discovered a lot of people are afraid to come out of the closet when they are in these relationships and I would love to encourage people to come out and realize what they are doing is not morally wrong. These relationships can be more successful than any other.

I would love to volunteer with you Lucia to encourage more people to follow their heart but also carry their brain in these relationships.

Let me know if there is a way to volunteer my time.

Clive

Hi Clive,

Thanks for your interest.  I'll definitely keep you in mind!

Is There A Future with a 22 Year Old?

                                                                              

Hi Lucia,

I recently started dating a 22 year old – I’m 42.  I gotta say, he’s so sweet and loving.  At the same time, I wonder what he's doing?  I’m really feeling him and I'm afraid I'm thinking about him or considering him too much. 

I know and understand he deserves a life where he would marry a woman that can give him a family.  We haven’t discussed this but I did tell him "This is what it is, sooner or later, it has to be over.”  He has been distant since then, but we have a cruise scheduled for next month.  How should I be taking this all?   I do feel he cares for me deeply.   Zatima

Hi Zatima,

Yes, guys in their early 20s are sweet and loving, and one of the reasons is because they’re idealistic about love.  You and I both know the chances of this leading to marriage or a long term commitment are slim to none, but he wants to believe that maybe, somehow, it might.  When you told him there was no future, you burst his bubble.  I wouldn’t have recommended that you say that to him, however, you obviously can’t take it back. 

Now you need to do some damage control.  Luckily, you have a cruise planned.  Pick a moment when you are both relaxed and in a great mood – maybe after sex - and say something like, “It feels great to be with you.  I know I said this will be over sooner or later, but you never know what might happen!”  Smile, give him a kiss and never bring the subject up again!

Where Can I Find A Cougar?

Hi Lucia,

I'm a personal trainer in Los Angeles and I've found myself more attracted to much older women because they seem to know what they want and have little or no shame in being who they want to be.  I could go on for days as to why older women are just so much more appealing but I'll spare you.

My problem is that I'm a young, handsome man in very good shape but I am finding it hard to meet older women. How do I go about finding older women that are into young men?  I have no clue what places to go to or even what sites to join. I prefer being able to look someone in the eye and talk with them but I'll take what I can get.  Rick

Hi Rick,

Hmm, let’s see.  A young, handsome, in shape guy in Los Angeles can’t find an older woman?  Somehow, I find that hard to believe, especially since most Cougars work out, so they are right in front of you – at the gym!

You can also try book stores, hotel bars, upscale restaurants and museums.  In terms of sites, I would recommend joining the free community at www.urbancougar.com, where there is also a list of Cougar Dens, as well as a link to the dating site www.thecougarconnection.com

Can this Cub be Trusted?

Hello Lucia,

I met this young man who expressed an interest in me.  He would usually call to find out how I was doing and so on.  Recently he asked me to visit him which I gladly did because he had visited me at home before.  

When I arrived he was not well dressed and I suspected he was up to something.  After some time I asked to leave but he said I should spend the night at his place which I declined.  Then he proposed that I should find time and spend one week end with him which I have not.

Now he doesn't call me as he used to.  When we first me he asked me if I was going to marry him.  He wanted me to take him to meet my parents.   I suspect he is up to something.   Can he be trusted?  What should I do?  Joyce

Hi Joyce,

Who says you have to do anything?  That’s the great thing about being the woman.  It’s up to the man to make the moves and for you to say “yay” or “nay”. 

It sounds like he wanted to have sex when you went to visit him and because you didn’t, he’s lost interest.  It doesn’t matter what he said when you first met.  Anyone can say anything.  Always look at actions first, not words.

If he calls you, great.  If not, move on.  There are plenty of fish in the sea!