I'm Attracted to Much Older Cougars

Hi Lucia,

I’m 32 and I have a lovely partner who is nearly 40 yet I can’t help but feel attracted to much older ladies ranging from 45 to 60.  Is this normal and do most guys feel the same?  Nicky

Hi Nicky,

Guys who are into older women don’t usually care what the age is.  As long as they’re attracted to them, it doesn’t make a difference.  As women continue to take care of themselves, more and more women in their 50s and 60s will continue to look fantastic.  Although it will probably never be the norm, there will always be guys who will appreciate a vibrant, confident, sexy woman of any age!

Spandex Cub?

Hi Lucia,

I recently discovered your site and think it's/you are great! I am a 35 year old male that has gotten into a relationship with a woman who is 48 years old. I was previously seeing someone before that but the relationship fizzled out and I realized I am more turned on by older women.

So my new girlfriend (I guess we can call her that) is very fit and into working out.  When we are just relaxing, usually at her house, she loves to have me wear spandex around her - anything from shiny nylon to liquid leggings. She loves wearing it herself but loves how it looks on me. Being that she takes care of me, I'll do what it takes to make her happy.

I have been always very open to trying anything and making my partner happy.  I figure if she will do things for me I like, I'll return the favor.  I am curious if you can tell me if you think women when they hit a certain age go through a "mid-life crisis" sexually at some point?   Bobby

Hi Bobby,

Does it really matter whether there is a “mid-life crisis” or not?  Besides, I don’t see a crisis here – I see two people who are sexually open-minded enjoying each other.  As long as everything is consensual, enjoy!  

My Married Cougar is Verbally Abusive

Hi Lucia,

I’ve been dating a 44 year old married woman for 3 years.  I’m 33 and also married.  The problem we are having is that she does not put too much effort into our relationship. The sex is great and we get along, but when we get into argument, she is verbally abusive.  She tries to shut me down, doesn’t listen or look for solutions.  It seems she’s trying to gain the control and power she doesn’t have at home because her husband calls all the shots and treat her badly. 

I’ve tried my best to give this woman the emotional support and affection she has missed in the past but it has gotten to the point where she is just using me for sex when it’s convenient for her.

She recently sent me an email that ended with, “I'm sorry for everything that I've done in the past that wasn't up to your expectations...and for ruining your life.  That was never my intention - I guess I should have just left you alone.  You know how to reach me should you ever want to talk or need someone to vent to.  You will be my sunshine always and forever.  I love you.”

Do you think she wants a break or to end it?  Should let her go?  Bunny

Hi Bunny,

Should you let her go?  Hell, yeah!  You never should have let her come in the first place, literally and figuratively.  You fear that she’s just using you, but I have a newsflash for you:  when one or both of the parties in a relationship are married, they are using each other, since it has no future until they are both single.

I do not condone affairs, but if you’re going to have one, why pick someone who’s going to be verbally abusive?  Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of wanting to be with someone who makes you feel good, since you’re already dissatisfied in your marriage?

Anytime someone says something along the lines of, “Sorry for ruining your life” or “Have a nice life”, they are being manipulative and trying to get a reaction.  She’s not going anywhere, however I suggest you go back to your marriage and give your wife emotional support and affection, instead of someone else’s.

My 18 Year Old Cub Proposed!

                                                                          

Hi Lucia,

I really admire your work and think you are fantastic.  I am a 31 year old single mom with two young children.  I met my cub when he was just 17 and we fell head over heels in love.  I pushed him away until he turned 18, as hard as that was for the both of us.  He will be turning 19 this month.

He proposed to me on Christmas day and I said yes.  Is it wrong for me to marry a teenager of 19 when I am a 31 year old woman?  When we are together I don’t question it, but he is away for a couple of months and I’m starting to have doubts. He treats me so well and we are very happy together, as are my children. I don’t want to push him away again because of my fear of the age difference.  Karen

Hi Karen,

I don’t have an issue with the 12 year age difference, especially since it seems most Cougar/Cub relationships usually have at least a 15 year difference.  My issue is with his age.  A teenager has no business getting married, no matter how mature he may appear to be.  Scientists at the NIH campus at Bethesda, Maryland discovered that the part of the brain which weighs risks, makes judgments and controls impulsive behavior isn’t fully mature until age 25.   

I’m assuming you were married to your children’s father, so they’ve already been through one divorce.  Do you really want to put them in the unpleasant position of most likely having to go through another one?  Their mental and emotional well being should be your priority. 

You can certainly continue to date him and possibly consider marriage down the road, if you’re still together, however I see no need for marriage at this point.  Being head over heels in love is not a good enough reason to marry a teenager.

Why Am I Attracted to Older Women?

Hi Lucia,

I'm 25 and I am finding myself more attracted to older women – 32 and up.  Why is that?  Matt

Hi Matt,

Society has programmed guys to think they should only be attracted to nubile 20 something’s, so when they find themselves interested in an older woman (even if she’s only 7 years older), they question themselves.  As women continue to take care of themselves and maintain their looks, there’s no reason why men can’t still find them attractive, just because they are over 30 or 40.

Besides the physical appearance, they have many other desirable personality traits such as confidence, comfortable with their sexuality, life experience, knowing what they want and not being afraid to communicate it.  There is also usually less drama associated with an older woman.  She will not call/text you 10 times a day or want to know where you are every minute. 

The lifestyle is becoming more and more acceptable, so there’s no need to be embarrassed or ashamed.  If you’d like to date older women, go for it!  Welcome to the Cougar Revolution!