I'm 19 and my Cougar is 41

Dear Lucia,

I am 19 years old and am currently in a physical relationship with a woman who is 41 years old. We do go out to eat and spend time together every now and then. I find myself interested in wanting a more serious relationship.

I understand that plenty of people think the age difference is too large but for someone my age, I have a lot going. I currently work two jobs and attend a very prestigious college. I am earning about 40k a year. It may be enough to get me through school and put away for savings but not quite support her.

She is struggling with expenses and had been laid off and is working at the gym that I work out in. She works behind the counter there and one day we started talking. She kept telling me how she liked my hair.  I thought to myself why not just ask her if she is really interested or just flirting.

We are great friends, have a lot in common, and just love being around each other. I will be starting a fairly good job with Chase Manhattan Bank at the end of this year and will be able to provide for her financially, so finances won't be an issue.

How I go about telling her?  What do you think I should say or do?  If everything works out with her, how do I go about explaining this to my family?  My mother is not the issue being that my father got transferred down to Atlanta so the both of them are far away, but I take care of my grandmother from time to time. She is very traditional and set in her ways and I have a very good relationship with her.

She has helped me pay for school and let me stay at her place until I found the right apartment. I am thankful for everything my grandmother has done, but I don't want anyone to get in the way of my happiness. I want to be sure my family accepts her and treats her well. Any advice or assistance you could give me would be greatly appreciated.  Michael

Dear Michael,

Wow.  Are you sure you’re only 19?  There are guys twice your age who don’t have your maturity, so bravo.

Are you sure about wanting to have a serious relationship with this woman?  You’re not at all interested in “sowing your wild oats”, so to speak?

Even if you want to get more serious, how do you know she wants to?  She may be totally surprised that you are considering moving things to the next level.  Why don’t you have a conversation about where things are headed and see where she stands on all this?  With your maturity level, I know you won’t have a problem finding the right thing to say.

In terms of the finances, I don’t think your lady is expecting you to support her.  As long as you can pull your own weight financially in the relationship, that’s all that matters.

As to your family, why don’t you cross that bridge when you get to it?