I'm Hiding My Cougar From My Parents

Hi Lucia,

I’m 24 and I've been dating a woman who is twice my age for about twelve months.  Thus far, my parents don't know about her though they are aware I am seeing someone.  They have continued to ask if they could at least see a picture of her but I have always refused.

Recently, my parents have become more adamant to see who I'm dating and it's been evolving into a more contentious issue.  Would you recommend me showing my parents a photo which could possibly alter our close relationship, or should I continue to be vague and secretive.  Mike

Hi Mike,

I have to laugh at the last sentence in your email.  You say you have a close relationship and yet you are being vague and secretive.  Isn’t that a contradiction?

I would suggest you speak to them first before showing a photo.  Do not begin by saying you’re dating a woman twice you age, as you did in your email.  Tell them the truth:  that you were afraid to tell them who you were dating because you thought it would alter your relationship and you didn’t want that to happen.

At this point they may start to think you’re gay, so tell them it’s a woman who is quite a few years older.  If they ask how many, say it’s not polite to reveal a woman’s age, but you’d be happy to show them a photo.  Go from there and let me know what happens.