10 Things Never to Say to a Cougar Online

One of the best places to meet a Cougar is on a dating site.   Here are 10 things never to say/ask when you contact a Cougar online.

1.   How old are you?  -  Does this even need to be said?  You’re either interested in her or you’re not.  Does it really matter how old she is if you think she’s hot?

2.    Hi /How are you? – One word or one line emails will get you nowhere.  About 50% of cubs who approach me online make this mistake.   What percentage do I respond to?  0%.  If you are emailing a Cougar for the first time and that’s all you have to say for yourself, good luck. 

3.   You look good for your age. – You may think this is a compliment, but mentioning a woman’s age is a back-handed compliment at best.  Why does it have to be ‘for her age’?   If she looks good, she looks good.  Period. 

4.  Can I be your Cub?  -  Would you ever say “Can I be your boyfriend” to a stranger?  Probably not.  It’s something that either just happens naturally or is discussed in “the talk”.   You may be trying to be funny, but it sounds like you’re either desperate or you want to be a pet! 

5.  Have you had botox?  - Asking about any cosmetic procedure is “très gauche”.  If she wants you to know whether she’s had any work done, she’ll tell you.  As long as you think she’s hot, who cares?

6.  I love Cougars. - This may sound like a compliment, but it’s not.  We don’t want you to be interested in us simply because we fit into a category.  We want you to want us for, well, us!  It would be the same as a woman saying, “I love athletes”.  It also sounds as if you’re leaving out the last part of the sentence, “I love Cougars and I want to have sex with as many of them as possible”. 

7.  Did you get my pictures? - A profile without photos immediately raises a red flag.  What are you hiding?  So if she asks for photos, and you don’t hear back, don’t write her again to see if she received them.  Yes, she did, and she’s not interested.  Move on.

8.  I hope there’s more to you than your beauty – And we hope there’s more to you than repeating lines someone gave you to try to shake our confidence.  Too many guys are using that line these days and it’s getting old.

9.  Tell me something interesting about yourself – Ugh! Can you be any more vague?  Not having a specific question makes you look like you have no conversational skills, and that is a major turn-off for Cougars.

10.  Call me. My number is 555-xxx-xxxx – This too makes you look desperate or not very discriminating – you’re giving your number to a complete stranger.  Women want to feel special, and by giving out your number without waiting to see if she will even respond to your email, she feels like just a number.

International Cougar

Dear Lucia,

I've been in a cyber-relationship with a guy who lives in another country for 9 months. We see each other every night through the web cam and I call him or he calls me almost every day. He looks like he's really in love when he says it and his behavior demonstrates what he says.

He wants to marry me and have kids with me. I do too. He's 24 and I'm 32 and he says that he has always liked older women.  I started to feel something very special for him that for a period of time I thought was love, but now I don't feel that way as much.

Somehow we've managed to be apart and not let the relationship get cold because of the distance. I'm not able to go to see him and he's not able to come to the US because he doesn't have a visa.

Sometimes he's kind of possessive and controlling and I've had some confrontations with him about those issues and we've been getting through them.  He's been very cooperative with those matters saying that he would do anything to make this relationship to work.

However, I recently met someone else in a chat room and it's making me think about cheating on my cyber-boyfriend.  He lives in another state but he's overseas most of the time and does not have enough time for relationships.

We became good friends and have a pretty nice connection since we were born in the same city.  I have a blast every time we talk.  We talk often over messenger and sometimes over the phone.

Now he wants to meet me and try to be with me in a serious relationship. I've told him that since he is almost never home that I'm not interested in that kind of relationship. He said that he wants to try with me because he likes me very much and he's been thinking about leaving the job he has now and working on something where he doesn't have to be absent so much.

He seems into me.  He tells me that I'm the kind of woman that he would like to spend his time with and in the future who knows, live together, get married and have kids (he doesn't have any and haven't ever been married).

We made plans to get together in the next month.  I like him a lot, but somehow I don't trust him. I'm afraid he might be lying about his life and that he only wants to have sex with me. We already talked about sex and what we like and don't like. He tells me every time we talk that he wants to be with me and that he'll make it happen.

Should I meet him and see what happens?  If we like each other enough that the chemistry is floating in the air when we meet, should I have sex with him on that first date?   Should I say anything about this to my cyber-boyfriend?

If things work out with this guy, how should I break up with my cyber-boyfriend? I know for sure that he'll be devastated.  Girl Overseas 

Dear Girl,

Wow, you’ll do just about anything not to be in a relationship, won’t you?  You’re fooling yourself if you think you’re interested in either one of these guys.   You don’t know anything about them except what they choose to tell you.  Until you meet someone face to face, you don’t know who you’re dealing with.

If you do meet the 2^nd guy, DO NOT have sex with him the first time, no matter how much chemistry there is.  Your intuition is telling you not to trust him and you should listen.  You only know him from what he’s told you.  Always look at what a man does, not what he says.  If a guy just wants to have sex, he will say anything!

As for your “cyber-boyfriend”, if you really need that much attention, you can continue to talk to him, but don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s going to go anywhere.

If you’re really interested in a relationship, you need to find someone in or near your zip code.

I Want to be a Boy-Toy

Hi Lucia,

I’m 19 and still a virgin.  I can be shy at first, but I get over it after a while. I would love to find myself a Cougar and be her boy-toy.  How can I get the attention of older women?  Boy-toy

Hi Boy-toy,

I would suggest joining an online dating sites.  I would recommend www.dateacougar.com.  Don’t be afraid to put in your profile that you are “inexperienced” and looking for someone to “show you the ropes”.  Some women actually prefer that!

Cougar Dating Sites

Hi Lucia,

I am 19 years old and seem not to have an emotional connection with anyone in my age range.  For a long time I have been attracted to older women.  I hate the drama of my generation.  It seems to me that women in my age range are losing their want for independent thought. I like strong minded, mature, and beautiful women with out the drama.  I think that is why I have always been attracted to older women.  Is it possible to find an older woman who is interested in someone my age or should I just give up?    Jim

Hi Jim,

Your email confirms that young, adult males are definitely interested in older women for more than just sex.  Some people still find that hard to believe.  You are obviously wise beyond your years, if at 19, you feel the need to be with someone more mature. 

I would suggest an internet dating sites that specializes in Cougar relationships such as www.dateacougar.com