Spandex Cub?

Hi Lucia,

I recently discovered your site and think it's/you are great! I am a 35 year old male that has gotten into a relationship with a woman who is 48 years old. I was previously seeing someone before that but the relationship fizzled out and I realized I am more turned on by older women.

So my new girlfriend (I guess we can call her that) is very fit and into working out.  When we are just relaxing, usually at her house, she loves to have me wear spandex around her - anything from shiny nylon to liquid leggings. She loves wearing it herself but loves how it looks on me. Being that she takes care of me, I'll do what it takes to make her happy.

I have been always very open to trying anything and making my partner happy.  I figure if she will do things for me I like, I'll return the favor.  I am curious if you can tell me if you think women when they hit a certain age go through a "mid-life crisis" sexually at some point?   Bobby

Hi Bobby,

Does it really matter whether there is a “mid-life crisis” or not?  Besides, I don’t see a crisis here – I see two people who are sexually open-minded enjoying each other.  As long as everything is consensual, enjoy!  

Will Dating Cougars Mess Me Up?

Hello Lucia,

I’m a 20 year old male who’s in a great sexual relationship with a very sexy and gorgeous 39 year old woman. We're not boyfriend/girlfriend but just hanging out.  Do you think this will mess me up later on when I move past her, if we don’t create a real, full relationship?  I don’t want to have a hard time adjusting down the road with someone closer to my age.  Joe

Dear Joe,

I hate to tell you, but you will not be a typical young adult once this relationship is over.  You’ve now gotten a taste of what it’s like to have great sex with someone who is experienced and uninhibited.   It’s like eating spaghetti at a fine, Italian restaurant and then trying to get used to eating Spaghetti-Os.  I don’t think so. 

You’re also now used to dealing with a mature woman, where there is little to no drama and the conversations are deeper than with someone your age.  Most girls in their 20s either don’t have the confidence and/or experience to be up to par sexually with a more mature woman.  To quote from the book, “Older Women, Younger Men”, Tom, age 25 said of his 46 year old lover, “After being with Claudia for five years, I was ruined.  I couldn’t stand talking to a young woman all night.  They were all so empty compared to Claudia.”

However, having said this, that is no reason to feel you have to have a “full relationship” with this woman if you don’t want to.  In fact, I wouldn’t even recommend it.  It is what it is – a great sexual relationship.  Enjoy it while it lasts, the future will take care of itself.  Who knows?  You may find you prefer older women after all, and won’t be interested in girls your own age.