How to Catch a Cougar

  

 From the beginning of time, hunters of all kinds had to learn tricks of the trade to capture their prey. These days, that rare and beautiful species, Cougarus humanus, or Cougar is a highly desired catch for many young men, or Cubs. So here are three steps to ensnaring us.

1. Make the Approach

Ironically, the Cougar is easier to approach in person than the younger women you may have hunted in the past. She is receptive to advances because she knows how hard it is for a Cub to risk rejection by putting himself in harm’s way, and she appreciates a man who appreciates her.

Having said that, the Cougar is far from a pushover. She expects a coherent, relevant conversation. “Nice weather we’ve been having,” won’t cut it in the Cougar world, and she’s heard all the cheesy pick-up lines that work on 23-year-olds but here will get you shot down in flames. Instead, try a reasonably intelligent question. If she’s drinking a fancy drink, ask whether it’s safe for a man to drink. If you’re in line at movie, ask what she’s heard about it. Then shut up and let her answer: just like hunting in the wild, it’s important to know when to be quiet!

Online hunting is trickier. Once you’ve tracked down the desired prey, forget one-liners or ‘winks.’ You have to work harder to get the exotic Cougar you crave. Clever, humorous openers are more likely to impress. Even though Cougars are interested in things like “looks” and “sexiness,” they have a large pool of Cubs to choose from, and will weed out those who are immature and classless. Trust me, the reward is well worth it.

2. Set the Trap

OK, you’ve made contact, and it’s time to ask for her number. Yes…Cougars use phones for talking. They’re old school like that. Save the text messages for your pals. You’ll have to actually call your Cougar, make conversation and ask for a date. If you can’t handle this quaint custom, you may not be able to capture your prey.

Online approaches are fine, if that’s where the initial contact was made. But she’ll likely want to hear your voice before agreeing to any in-person meetings, so again, you’ll need to make that call. Don’t be afraid to prepare some notes, in case you freeze when you hear her voice. But don’t worry too much…she may find it cute that you’re so nervous!

The old where-to-go-on-the-first-date question is doubly tricky with Cougars. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to impress her by taking her to the Opera, or to a restaurant you can’t afford. She knows you’re young and might not be established in your career (read: rich), so suggest something you can afford…because you will be paying for that first date. You want a Cougar, not a sugar mama. After a few dates, you can let her kick in, but first you have to show the respect that picking up the bill symbolizes.

3. Complete the Capture

You may have identified, corralled, and confronted your prey, but the capture is still before you. Once you are on the date, she’s interested. So don’t let her slip away with one of these deadly mistakes.

Playing games:  She knows all of them and no longer has the time or patience to play them. If you’re interested, say so. If there’s an issue, talk about it rather than being passive/aggressive or disappearing.

Flaking:  The fastest way to lose a Cougar is by saying you will do something and then not following through. Call when you say you will, show up on time and be stand-up guy. She’s seen enough who aren’t to bail at the first sign of wishy-washy behavior.

Being sexually uninformed:   She’s probably more experienced than you are, so be open to suggestions and trying new things. Get over your macho inclinations in bed…this is a partnership. And please don’t be a minute man. She knows what great sex is and isn’t about to put up with a Speedy Gonzalez. Taking your time will go a long way toward keeping her around your cave. Which should be close to spotless, by the way.

So there you have it, the basics of pulling in that wonderful Cougar. Now be ready for a great new set of experiences. Let go of the tension and pressure you’ve experienced with younger ladies.  There are no daily tests or head games, just fun, pleasure and relaxation. Just don’t get lazy.  There are many more Cubs waiting to take your place, and you can only keep her by always showing you realize how lucky you are.

You’ve entered a world where you are appreciated, loved and wanted.  If you’re smart, it may just be the last hunt of your life.

Is It Wrong To Have Sex With a Cougar?

 

Hey Lucia,

My friends think I’m crazy because I’m 21 years old and I’ve been having GREAT sex with a 52 year old divorced woman.  We both know it’s just for sex.  Is this wrong?  Joe

Hey Joe,

There is nothing wrong with having great sex with an older woman.  You get the benefit of her experience!  Great sex can be hard to come by, so since you both know it's just about the sex,  why put an end to a good thing?  Your friends are probably secretly jealous.  Do your thing!

I'm In Love With A Cougar

Dear Lucia,

I am in love with a woman I’ve been dating for a month.  How do I make her fall in love with me?  I am 24 yrs old and she's older, but I don't know how old.  I invited her for lunch but she didn't show.  I also invited her last Sunday and again she didn't show up.  I tried her cell phone but she was not picking up.  I was a bit down because we arranged to meet and she didn't show up.  How do I make her understand I'm in love with her?  Please help me.  Derrick

Dear Derrick,

It’s very hard to convince someone of something that isn’t true.  The truth is that you are not in love with her.  I know it, she knows it and maybe somewhere inside you, you know it.  You make be infatuated and obsessed, but you certainly can’t love someone after only one month.  Love develops as a result of getting to know someone.  You don’t even know how old she is!

Although it’s not right for her to stand you up, the reason she’s doing it is because you’re creeping her out.  She’s doesn’t want to turn you down, so she pretends she’s going to see you and then doesn’t show up.  Even if you haven’t said, “I love you” to her, your actions and attitude are showing her that you are way too into her after only one month.  You’re coming across as desperate and unrealistic and that is never attractive.  We all want to be with someone strong.  Someone who is willing to put up with being continually stood up is not strong.  Are you sure you’re even dating?

If there is to be any hope for you, you need to back off immediately.  Don’t call her for a week.  When you do call, don’t ask her out.  Have a short, pleasant conversation and get off the phone.  You can ask her out the next time you talk.  If she doesn’t show up again, she’s not interested or she’s lost interest in you as a result of your actions.  At that point, all you can do is learn from your mistakes and move on.

                       

Will Dating Cougars Mess Me Up?

Hello Lucia,

I’m a 20 year old male who’s in a great sexual relationship with a very sexy and gorgeous 39 year old woman. We're not boyfriend/girlfriend but just hanging out.  Do you think this will mess me up later on when I move past her, if we don’t create a real, full relationship?  I don’t want to have a hard time adjusting down the road with someone closer to my age.  Joe

Dear Joe,

I hate to tell you, but you will not be a typical young adult once this relationship is over.  You’ve now gotten a taste of what it’s like to have great sex with someone who is experienced and uninhibited.   It’s like eating spaghetti at a fine, Italian restaurant and then trying to get used to eating Spaghetti-Os.  I don’t think so. 

You’re also now used to dealing with a mature woman, where there is little to no drama and the conversations are deeper than with someone your age.  Most girls in their 20s either don’t have the confidence and/or experience to be up to par sexually with a more mature woman.  To quote from the book, “Older Women, Younger Men”, Tom, age 25 said of his 46 year old lover, “After being with Claudia for five years, I was ruined.  I couldn’t stand talking to a young woman all night.  They were all so empty compared to Claudia.”

However, having said this, that is no reason to feel you have to have a “full relationship” with this woman if you don’t want to.  In fact, I wouldn’t even recommend it.  It is what it is – a great sexual relationship.  Enjoy it while it lasts, the future will take care of itself.  Who knows?  You may find you prefer older women after all, and won’t be interested in girls your own age.

My Cougar Never Calls

Dear Lucia,

I am dating a 37 year old woman who I feel is leading me on... she always text messages me but never calls.  It seems as though if I don’t call her, she won’t stay interested.  How can I find out what she wants from me...I want something serious!  I don’t know how I should be to get her!! I am 29 and have always dated older women.  Louis

Dear Louis,

Ah yes, text messages - a double-edged sword.  They’re great for a quick communication when you can’t talk and a great way to avoid someone if you don’t want to talk

What does she want from you?  What every woman wants from a man – confidence and a bit of a challenge.  This is how you “should be”.  She probably senses your over-eagerness and lack of confidence.  These are never attractive qualities in either men or women. 

Since she is in her late 30’s, I’m assuming she is more traditional and wants to let the man do the pursuing.  She’s willing to show interest with the texts, but expects you to be the man and do the calling.   So continue pursuing her.  If she responds favorably and wants to see you, she’s interested.  If not, she’s not!  It’s that simple!

Dating at 20 vs Dating at 40

Hi Lucia,

I believe that dating in your 40's needs to be treated in a completely different way then in your 20's.  What are your thoughts?  Joan

Hi Joan,

I acquiesce!  The 20’s is a time when you are still growing and maturing.  Scientists at the NIH campus in Bethesda, Md., have found that "the executive branch" of the teen brain — the part that weighs risks, makes judgments and controls impulsive behavior isn’t fully mature until age 25. 

This is a time to find out what you will or will not put up with in a partner, learn how to set boundaries and compromise.  If you want to get married and start a family, then you should only date partners that are good marriage material – although this is often easier said than done.  

 It’s also the time to cheat and be cheated on, so that you’ll understand both sides of the coin.  The 20s is a good time to have your heart broken – it makes you realize how fragile love can sometimes be and makes you humble.  This is the when you should make most of your dating mistakes.

If you are dating in their 40s, it usually means you’re divorced and may have a child or two.  The priority may no longer be marriage but simply finding a companion with shared interests, who is on the same wavelength mentally and emotionally.  If you have kids under 18, they are the priority and shouldn’t be introduced to anyone unless that person is going to be there long term.  

By now you’ve made most of your dating mistakes and the drama of relationships should be over.   You realize that cheating is not worth it and if you’re not happy you’ll speak up and try to remedy the situation or part on good terms. 

His Ex is a Cougar

Dear Lucia,

I’m 31 years old, married to a 39 year old man for 4 years now. My husband’s previous relationship was with a woman 11 years older than him. She is a very nice lady, beautiful, funny and their relationship lasted for 4 years.  He left her for me 6 years ago

I’m envious that I don’t have the same experiences and the same confidence she has and I think that this is important for my husband.  He is very mature and very logical I’m very emotional and an artistic spirit.

They write to each other every 5-6 months but don’t ever speak on the phone.
A month ago my husband sent her an email that said, "I still think of you everyday".

She never ever writes back anything that seems erotic. I think she only wants his friendship.

Once when we had a fight he wrote to her, "My wife is so immature, she drives me crazy sometimes.”  What does he mean?  Do you think he wants to be with her again or that he is only friends?

I never feel "enough" for him.  There is always something missing and I don’t know what it is.  Sometimes I feel he is still in love with his ex. Other times I’m trying not to be so insecure.  I cry everyday thinking about how to deal with that.

He doesn’t know any of this is happening, he thinks everything is ok. I can’t let my self be happy.  My smile is fake; my heart is broken. Our relationship looks perfect, he seems very happy with me.

I m very confused.  What can I do to win this competition?  I know I may lose the game, but at least I can try, I really love him.  I want his children. But I can’t live under these circumstances with him.

I know it’s crazy that I check his email, but it’s the only way to know what’s going on. I want to stop that - I hate it.  It’s very hard for me because I can’t tell anyone how painful it is to spy in my husband’s email account and read things like that.  Vicky

Dear Vicky,

One of the cornerstones of any relationship, but especially marriage, is trust.  Your husband has not given you any reason not to trust him.  Writing to his ex twice a year is nothing.  This is about you and your insecurities.

I would suggest you speak to a therapist about what is going on.  You are threatened by his ex, and yet, he left her for you!  If he wanted to be with her, he would be.  If, however, you don’t seek help and get a grip on your issues, he may wish he was with her!

Is this Cub Using Me?

Dear Lucia,

I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months.   I am 36 and he is 30.  According to him, he is only dating me.  We have never had the "talk" yet we joke around about not being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Normally we talk 1-2x a day, text each other between 5-15x a day and see each other 2-3x a week.

I know that his ex girlfriend broke up with him 5 months ago.  He recently told me that he was dating a woman in her 40s when he met his ex, who is also 30.  He said he broke up with the older woman when he began to fall in love with his ex.

I didn't ask him for how long exactly he was dating his ex before he knew that he was falling in love.  He told me that the older woman went nuts on him and hacked into his email, wrote emails to his ex.and other crazy stuff.

He sounded like he just didn’t understand why the older woman went crazy on him since he, "Never told her that he loved her.”  He said that they had a good time and had fun together.

He loves to come over to my house, he loves to spend the night (if it was up to him, I even think he would move in) and he loves my expensive car. I am now wondering if I am the new older woman until he meets someone to fall in love with.

On our dates he does take me out for dinner and to the movies, but because of our schedules, 70% of the time he comes over later at night, usually between
9-11pm.    We have had a few whole day dates, hiking and biking, but that can still just be considered "having fun".

How can I know if he comes over to my house to see me because he likes me and not just because he has 4 roommates and sleeps on the sofa but I on the other hand have a nice 2 bedroom house?

How can I make sure that he is not just killing time until he finds that new "girlfriend"?
My worst fear is that I get used.  Amy

Dear Amy,

The wonderful yet frightening thing about love, dating and relationships is that you don’t have a guarantee of what is going to happen.  It’s probably better that way because that is part of what makes it exciting.

However, I can certainly understand how you may be afraid of being used.  Whatever you’re concerned that he may be using you for, give him limited access to that and see if he sticks around.

If you want to make sure it’s about you and not your home, then do not let him sleep over all the time.  See how he reacts to that.  If you’re concerned about being used for your money, then make sure you’re not always the one to pay.  If you think it may be sex, then don’t always have sex and see what happens.

Until you know for sure, I would caution you to not get too emotionally involved.  This means that you should not project onto him qualities which you think he has or wish he had. 

It also means that you should not daydream about a future with him.   Live in the present moment.  Your imagination is not your friend at the beginning of any relationship.   Don’t start fantasizing about how great it would be to live together, go to Hawaii or get married.  This will cause the relationship to go off balance and you may be reading more into it than there actually is.

At the same time, keep in mind that 5 years is not that big an age difference, especially these days.  I would barely consider you an older woman.

In the end, only time will tell whether it’s about loving you or using you. 

Broken Cougar Engagement

Dear Lucia,

I was in a year and a half relationship with a younger guy.  It just recently ended, and I think it was mostly due to my worrying about our age difference.  I continued to have so many doubts even after he would continue to reassure me that my age didn't matter.  

We were going to be engaged and I sabotaged that as well.  I felt we weren’t accepted socially, which was, I now realize, ridiculous.

I am really hurting but I wanted to tell my story and give women the confidence that I didn't have, so that they don't lose their relationship for the same reasons or end things before they have a chance to begin.  Lori

Dear Lori,

I’m sorry to hear that you are in so much pain, because it could have been avoided.  Older women/younger men relationships are not yet accepted by most people, but that’s no reason to avoid them.  If someone has a problem with this type of relationship, it’s their problem, not the couple’s problem.

I’ve made it my mission to make the “Cougar” lifestyle more socially acceptable so that people don’t have to feel embarrassed or ashamed because they are attracted to someone who is much older/younger.

As more and more people jump on the bandwagon, it will not be as taboo as it is today.  I believe in 5-10 years, these relationships will no longer be such a big deal. 

I'm Attracted to my Aunt!

Hi Lucia,

I am 24 years old and I am in love with a woman who is 42.  The thing is, she’s my aunt.  We have a very close friendship and I have fallen in love with her.  I don’t think she knows that.  I am afraid to tell her how I feel.  I can be myself when I am with her and she is so grown up.

I see her every weekend.  I make her a special dinner and we watch a movie.  She phones me sometimes during the week and says things like, “I can’t wait for this weekend.” or “Are you coming this weekend?  I miss you.”

I really want to take this relationship further.  I have my own place but I can just as well move in with her.  Must I stop seeing her?  Is this all wrong because she’s my aunt?  J.

Dear J,

I can certainly understand the allure of a beautiful, older woman, especially one who you can be yourself with.  However, you obviously know this is totally wrong, or you wouldn’t have written to me. 

You may think you’re in love with her, but it’s infatuation.  I can understand how you becoming infatuated with her, but she should know better.  Of course she knows you’re interested!  I’m sure she finds it flattering to have a young man so taken with her, but she is using bad judgment.

Do not move forward with this situation.  You cannot move in with her and you cannot have sex with her.  I know it’s going to be difficult, but nothing good can come of this situation.  If the family found out, at the very least, they would be very disappointed and upset.

If you prefer older women, then please find another one.  This one is off limits!

Cougar Co-Worker

Dear Lucia,

I'm 21 years old.  I've recently fallen for an older woman I work with, she's 38.   I find it so hard because I can't be myself around her.  I let myself fall knowing that it would be a mistake.

She has a boyfriend who lives overseas which makes things so difficult.  I just need tips on how to get over her.  I can’t stop thinking about her and it's really driving me nuts!  T.J.

Hi T.J.

Well, this is a fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into young man!  Just kidding!

Since you work together, it’s going to be difficult to avoid her, but try to stay away from her as much as you can.  Only interact with her if you absolutely have to.

As for constantly thinking about her, that will be more difficult to deal with.  She’s currently residing in your head.  Whenever you find yourself thinking about her (I know, it’s probably every 5 minutes), think of something you don’t like – a food, place, whatever.  Eventually there will be a negative association when she comes to mind, and you will begin to think about her less and less.

Are Cougars Insecure?

Hi Lucia,

I love dating or seeing older women. I love the way they handle themselves and look. 21 year olds are fun but get old. An active, older woman who likes to go out and can turn heads with a great cocktail dress and heels is the most attractive thing I can think of.

I’d like to know why older women always ask why I like them and how come I am not "into" younger girls.  Are all older women this insecure about this?  Brian

Hi Brian,

Luckily, not all older women are insecure about the age factor.  Most know that they are the total package and have more to offer than younger women, because they’ve had more time to get their act together.

You may be meeting women who are recently divorced and back on the dating scene or who have always dated older men.  The concept of a guy preferring an older woman is still quite new to a lot of people.

Tell them the same things you’ve told me and that should help appease their concerns.

My Cougar Disappeared

Dear Lucia,

About three months ago I began dating an older woman who happens to be 35 years old.  I am 25.  We've been on a couple of dates since then and have been getting on just great, but in the past month I have not heard from her at all. 

I'm guessing it might just be my insecurities, but I feel that I may have been given the flick!  I've tried getting in contact with via email and by phone but alas to no avail. I've really fallen for this woman.  Ossie

Dear Ossie,

I’m glad you wrote to me, because it proves that older women are not always the ones who are chasing younger men.  More often than not, it’s the other way around!

I don’t have enough information to make an educated guess as to what may have happened.  However, I do know that continuing to try to get in touch with her is just going to make matters worse.

You need to leave her alone.  If she wants to get back in touch, she will. If you really were getting along great, at some point, she will pop up again.

I'm Hiding My Cougar From My Parents

Hi Lucia,

I’m 24 and I've been dating a woman who is twice my age for about twelve months.  Thus far, my parents don't know about her though they are aware I am seeing someone.  They have continued to ask if they could at least see a picture of her but I have always refused.

Recently, my parents have become more adamant to see who I'm dating and it's been evolving into a more contentious issue.  Would you recommend me showing my parents a photo which could possibly alter our close relationship, or should I continue to be vague and secretive.  Mike

Hi Mike,

I have to laugh at the last sentence in your email.  You say you have a close relationship and yet you are being vague and secretive.  Isn’t that a contradiction?

I would suggest you speak to them first before showing a photo.  Do not begin by saying you’re dating a woman twice you age, as you did in your email.  Tell them the truth:  that you were afraid to tell them who you were dating because you thought it would alter your relationship and you didn’t want that to happen.

At this point they may start to think you’re gay, so tell them it’s a woman who is quite a few years older.  If they ask how many, say it’s not polite to reveal a woman’s age, but you’d be happy to show them a photo.  Go from there and let me know what happens.

Response to: Should I Date This 19 Year Old?

Lucia,

I can't believe your advice to Nancy. She has to be 40ish and she's dating her 17 year old daughter's friends!  Her older daughter hit the nail on the head.  She is pathetic and embarrassing and can't find guys her own age that want anything to do with her.

I would have asked her why she can't find men in her appropriate age range. She says they have "a lot in common" which certainly shows her level of maturity. But since you see yourself as some type of "cougar" I guess you feel that your advice is warranted as it justifies your lifestyle. 

Maybe Nancy can find a 19 year old for you as well, you should ask her. I should start asking my teenage niece to set me up with her friends as I'm in awesome shape and only 50, if it's all about what makes me feel good, right? I'm sure we'd have lots to talk about. I'm picturing a 19 year old boy on a date, holding hands with someone his mom's age.

The scenario is ridiculous, as well as it would be for me to be on a date with a teenager. I have to wonder what his issues are when he would date someone that old instead of a hottie his own age, but we've all heard of the Oedipus Complex.

Grow up, Nancy. You have two daughters and need to be their role model, not competing for their dates.  R.B.

Dear R.B.,

When people talk about finding love, they use the word soul mate, not age mate.  This is because what we are all seeking is a deep connection on a soul level, and a soul is ageless and timeless.  It doesn’t depend on chronological age.

Antiquated, narrow minded, outdated, unenlightened, useless, irrelevant, non-progressive and judgmental 20^th century thinking such as yours is one of the main reasons older women who are still young at heart and have a child-like spirit, seek the company of younger men.

My motto has always been, “Live and let live”.  I believe you may find life a bit easier if you were to adopt the same attitude.

Should I Date this 19 Year Old?

Hi Lucia,

I have 2 daughters - one 20 and one 17.   I will be going on a date with a 19 year old. The guy I have a date with is good friends with my 17 year old’s ex boyfriend.  

She is very judgmental and not happy about this.  I don't want to hurt her but this guy is very nice, fun, and we have a lot in common.  My daughter is being over dramatic.  I am trying to make her realize we are going on a date, not getting married. She said I am pathetic and embarrassing and that I go out with young guys because I can't get anybody my own age and I do it to make myself feel good.

Well duh, what girl wouldn't go out with someone else to make yourself feel good?  I see nothing wrong with it.  Any advice?  Nancy

Hi Nancy,

You’ve certainly hit the nail on the head. The main reason for doing anything in life, especially choose to date certain people, is because we feel good around them.

Remember that you’re the parent here and you can date whoever you want.  Tell her you’re sorry she’s not happy about it however it’s your decision.  I would not bring him to the house for a while, since it may be awkward.  If you continue to date him for any length of time, she may eventually be more accepting of the situation, and at that point you can “bring him home”.

When Is An Age Gap Too Big?

Dear Lucia,

I’m dating a man who is five years younger than me and not settled in his life yet. He is definitely the pursuer in this relationship – calling me, setting up dates and even surprising me with events for us to go to.  I’m 38 and he is 32 although we don’t look much different in age. Should I stop seeing him because of the age difference?  When does an age gap become too big?  Suzie

Dear Suzie,

You said you don’t look much different in age. This tells me he is probably your first younger man, otherwise, you wouldn’t be so concerned about what you look like together. As long as he treats you well and you have great chemistry, who cares what you look like as a couple?  Your friends will know what the age difference is, so the only people you’re concerned about are strangers. You can’t live your life trying to look good in the eyes of people you’ll probably never see again.  Besides, they’re probably jealous!

Secondly, you mentioned that he is 32 and not yet settled.  These days, a lot of 32-year-olds aren’t settled – male or female. You have to ask yourself some questions: When do I want to be married by?  Do I want to have children?  When?  Is he motivated and working toward security and stability or is he still into behaving as if he were in college? What are his long-term goals?  What are your long-term goals?   If you want to be married within the next 2 years, then you need to ask yourself if he could possibly be "The One."  If not, are you willing to simply stay and enjoy the moment knowing that eventually you’ll have to move on?  Not every relationship has to lead to marriage.

Finally, when does an age gap become too big? Well, six years is not that much of an age difference and will become even less so as you get older. It’s not about age. It’s about compatibility.

In the end, to have a great relationship you need to have two people who appreciate each other and feel lucky to be together, no matter what the age difference may be.  To quote the late Aaliyah, "Age ain’t nothin’ but a number."

I'm a Virgin Cub

Dear Lucia,

I'm a nineteen year old male from England, and for the past year or so I've found myself becoming increasingly attracted to older women. At first I just counted them among the many girls I found attractive and didn't think much more of it, as all young men do, but over time I found myself appreciating their beauty and maturity more and more, and now I feel like it may be time to finally take the plunge and begin dating them.

However, one thing that keeps coming back to me is the idea of cougars as being very sexual beings who want lots of fun and enjoyment in bed. As I am still a virgin, since I prefer to think of sex as something meaningful between two people who care very much for one another rather than as part of a random fling, some part of me feels that I may disappoint them there due to my lack of experience. While that makes me feel a little hesitant about getting involved with an older woman, I also know that I feel more attracted to them than many of the girls my own age. Do you have any advice for me?  Sam

Hi Sam,

I would suggest that you let the woman know sooner rather than later that you are a virgin.  Some Cougars are only seeking sexually experienced men, but a few are willing to "work" with a virgin if they are interested.  Don't be shy or embarrassed.  There's nothing wrong with it and we were all virgins at one point!

10 Reasons to Date a Cougar

What makes older women so attractive to younger men?

Confidence – She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to let you know.  She means what she says and says what she means.  She won’t freak out if she doesn’t hear from you for a few days. 

Sex – She doesn’t get as emotionally attached as younger women do if she’s having sex with you.  She has a high sex drive.  She’s comfortable with her body.  She knows what she’s doing.  She will rock your world.

Money – She doesn’t need yours!  She doesn’t care how much you make.  She doesn’t care what your earning potential is.  She doesn’t expect you to pay for everything.

No Drama - She won’t call/text you 20 times a day.  She won’t have a temper tantrum or cry easily.  She won’t ask:  Why didn’t you call?  Where were you?  Where is this going?

Life Experience – She’s been around (in a good way) and is socially and sexually savvy.  You will become a man and a better lover as a result of being with her.

More Interesting – She’s lived, traveled and experienced life.  She has a lot to talk about.  Conversation will never be dull. 

No Pressure – She’s generally not interested in having children or getting married.  She’s into having fun and going with the flow instead of trying to get a commitment.

Responsible – She is rarely flaky.  She’s not into wasting her time or yours.  She’s not into games.  You can count on her to follow through and keep her word.

Understanding – She understands your need to win; your need to feel like a hero; your need to feel appreciated; your need to occasionally withdraw.  She understands men.

Total package – She has her act together: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and sexually.  She’s the total package.

Interracial Cougar

Hi Lucia,

I am 37 and African-American.  I typically date Caucasian women 5-15yrs older than me.  My conventional wisdom creeps into my head that many older, white women have no experience with interracial dating and this could be a major roadblock to both dating and a strong relationship   I live in the Twin Cities and this is the most diverse city and accepting of interracial relationships that I have seen.

What advice can you give me on how to attract those quality cougars that are open to dating inter racially?   There are a lot of wannabe cougars but clearly they are not in the league of those true cougars.  Many women think because they are older and look decent and date younger that makes them cougars, which it doesn't.

I consider myself a charming, witty, beguiling, confident man but need a few pointers to get me to the next level.  Tony

Hi Tony,

Thank you for pointing out that just because a woman is older and dating a younger man, that she is not automatically a cougar.  I believe a cougar is the Rolls Royce of older women.  She is at the top of her game and has it together mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually.

Since you are in the Twin Cities, it should be easier to find a woman who is open to interracial dating.  If you want a quality cougar, you need to be a quality cub.  This means you look good, have class and manners and of course, are great in bed.

After that, it’s a matter of going to places where an older woman might go and approaching anyone who catches you eye.   If you’re as charming as you say you are, you shouldn’t have any problem getting a phone number!