Interview in French Elle

                                                                             

I was recently interviewed in French Elle about being a Cougar expert and my work with Urbancougar.com.  Hope you can read French!  LOL!  You can always use Google translate!  Read it here!

National TV Talk Show looking for Cougar/Cub Couple

A National TV Talk Show in New York city is looking for a Cougar couple.   The show will tape next week - free trip to New York, expenses paid.  Contact me asap for more info: lucia@urbancougar.com

How Can I Keep My Cougar Happy?

Hi Lucia,

I'm in my first relationship with an older woman and it's amazing!  I wish I'd thought of this sooner.  Everything is great and I want to make sure it stays that way.  Can you give me some tips on how to keep my Cougar happy?  Matt

Hi Matt,

Welcome to the Cougar Lifestyle!  More and more younger men are realizing that dating older women has many advantages that you don't get with younger women.  Here are 3 tips to assure that things continue to run smoothly:

Don’t play games.  She probably knows all of them and no longer has the time or patience to play them.  She's interested in "mature" younger men, not boys. If there’s an issue, talk about it, instead of being passive/aggressive or disappearing.

Keep your word:  The fastest way to lose a Cougar is by saying you will do something and then not follow through.  Call/show up when you say you will or send her a text to let her know what happened.

Be open to learning:  She’s probably more sexually experienced than you, so be open to listening to suggestions and trying new things.  Whatever you do, don’t be a “minute man”. She knows what great sex is and she’s not about to put up with “Speedy Gonzalez”.

Should I Marry My 22 Year Old Cub?

 Hello, Lucia,

I am a 36 year-old woman who is heavily involved with a 22 year old.  I have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs., and have 2 beautiful little girls.  I’ve been seeing my gorgeous, younger guy for almost a year and a half.  

When we met, I was only divorced a short while and was merely looking for a good time, and so was he.  I must admit, I am a beautiful, sexy woman, who knows what I want, and have a reputation as a heartbreaker.  I have always refused to let a man make a fool out of me, because I have always known my value.  I am, however, deeply in love with my cub. We are so close, best friends, and have the best sex imaginable. 

I tried, for the first year, to end our relationship, but he is so head-strong, and has a way with me, like no other. He refused to let me go.  My family loves him, and his family loves me.  I have actually become extremely close to his mother.  He is so wonderful to my girls.  He has really become like a second father to them.  He is not a big partier, and always, always comes straight home to me.  He has NEVER put me off so he can be with his friends, and I have NEVER had a reason not to trust him.  

He says he wants to marry me, eventually, and wants us to have a child together. I never bring up marriage, or really discuss it with him at all. He is a very hard worker, and his mother says, he always has been. He helps me with my bills around the house, and he is my handy-man.  He truly is an old-soul, and the best partner I could possibly ask for.  He says he had been drinking, and partying since he was 15, and that it made him miserable.

I would love to marry him in a couple of years, but, rightfully so, am scared to death of making a mistake.  I have read your past blogs about men not really being ready until 25.  If this is wrong for me and my girls, I need to figure it out now.  Thanks so much, Lucia...I really enjoy your blog.    Felicia

Hi Felicia,

Wow, I have to admit, this guy sounds like a dream.  He seems to be the ideal partner except for the fact that he’s only 22, old soul or not.  Not only are most guys under 25 not ready to be married, their decision making ability (pre-frontal cortex) isn’t fully formed until then.

Although you mentioned wanting another child, that’s never a good reason to speed things up.  I would suggest you continue to date for a couple of years and see how you both feel at that time.  If things are as great as they sound, then time will only bring you closer together.

Good luck and thanks for showing the world that younger men who date older women are not just doing it for the sex – some of them actually want serious relationships!

10 Things Never to Say to a Cougar Online

One of the best places to meet a Cougar is on a dating site.   Here are 10 things never to say/ask when you contact a Cougar online.

1.   How old are you?  -  Does this even need to be said?  You’re either interested in her or you’re not.  Does it really matter how old she is if you think she’s hot?

2.    Hi /How are you? – One word or one line emails will get you nowhere.  About 50% of cubs who approach me online make this mistake.   What percentage do I respond to?  0%.  If you are emailing a Cougar for the first time and that’s all you have to say for yourself, good luck. 

3.   You look good for your age. – You may think this is a compliment, but mentioning a woman’s age is a back-handed compliment at best.  Why does it have to be ‘for her age’?   If she looks good, she looks good.  Period. 

4.  Can I be your Cub?  -  Would you ever say “Can I be your boyfriend” to a stranger?  Probably not.  It’s something that either just happens naturally or is discussed in “the talk”.   You may be trying to be funny, but it sounds like you’re either desperate or you want to be a pet! 

5.  Have you had botox?  - Asking about any cosmetic procedure is “très gauche”.  If she wants you to know whether she’s had any work done, she’ll tell you.  As long as you think she’s hot, who cares?

6.  I love Cougars. - This may sound like a compliment, but it’s not.  We don’t want you to be interested in us simply because we fit into a category.  We want you to want us for, well, us!  It would be the same as a woman saying, “I love athletes”.  It also sounds as if you’re leaving out the last part of the sentence, “I love Cougars and I want to have sex with as many of them as possible”. 

7.  Did you get my pictures? - A profile without photos immediately raises a red flag.  What are you hiding?  So if she asks for photos, and you don’t hear back, don’t write her again to see if she received them.  Yes, she did, and she’s not interested.  Move on.

8.  I hope there’s more to you than your beauty – And we hope there’s more to you than repeating lines someone gave you to try to shake our confidence.  Too many guys are using that line these days and it’s getting old.

9.  Tell me something interesting about yourself – Ugh! Can you be any more vague?  Not having a specific question makes you look like you have no conversational skills, and that is a major turn-off for Cougars.

10.  Call me. My number is 555-xxx-xxxx – This too makes you look desperate or not very discriminating – you’re giving your number to a complete stranger.  Women want to feel special, and by giving out your number without waiting to see if she will even respond to your email, she feels like just a number.

I'm Attracted to Much Older Cougars

Hi Lucia,

I’m 32 and I have a lovely partner who is nearly 40 yet I can’t help but feel attracted to much older ladies ranging from 45 to 60.  Is this normal and do most guys feel the same?  Nicky

Hi Nicky,

Guys who are into older women don’t usually care what the age is.  As long as they’re attracted to them, it doesn’t make a difference.  As women continue to take care of themselves, more and more women in their 50s and 60s will continue to look fantastic.  Although it will probably never be the norm, there will always be guys who will appreciate a vibrant, confident, sexy woman of any age!

Spandex Cub?

Hi Lucia,

I recently discovered your site and think it's/you are great! I am a 35 year old male that has gotten into a relationship with a woman who is 48 years old. I was previously seeing someone before that but the relationship fizzled out and I realized I am more turned on by older women.

So my new girlfriend (I guess we can call her that) is very fit and into working out.  When we are just relaxing, usually at her house, she loves to have me wear spandex around her - anything from shiny nylon to liquid leggings. She loves wearing it herself but loves how it looks on me. Being that she takes care of me, I'll do what it takes to make her happy.

I have been always very open to trying anything and making my partner happy.  I figure if she will do things for me I like, I'll return the favor.  I am curious if you can tell me if you think women when they hit a certain age go through a "mid-life crisis" sexually at some point?   Bobby

Hi Bobby,

Does it really matter whether there is a “mid-life crisis” or not?  Besides, I don’t see a crisis here – I see two people who are sexually open-minded enjoying each other.  As long as everything is consensual, enjoy!