I'm Attracted to my Nephew's Teammate

Hi Lucia,

I am 36 and didn't have a boyfriend until I was 25.   I’ve only had one previous 11 year relationship but it was with a married man who was older.

I have a nephew in college who plays basketball.  I am finding myself attracted to some of his teammates.  I was intimate with one of them but afterwards he didn’t respond to my texts or calls.  I know he is still in the stage where he is curious about life and still enjoys playing around.  He might also be afraid because of our age difference and what people will say if they see us.

I think I'm starting to fall for him.  I feel lost.  I just want to talk or text him as much as I can.  I still want him even though he might just want to play.  I want to spend more intimate moments with him.  I always want to feel the happiness the feeling of being in love brings.

What should I do?  I want to be irresistible to him.  I might be stupidly in love.  Am I over reacting, and expecting too much from him?   Jenny

Hi Jenny,

What you are experiencing is called “limerence”.    It’s a state of intense romantic desire for another person. It’s an obsessional form of romantic love.  It’s characterized by intrusive thinking and excessive sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the “limerent object” towards the individual.

You don’t have a lot of experience with dating, so it’s easy to understand how you may think you are in love.  It doesn’t sound as if he’s interested in you.  It doesn’t really matter if it’s because of his age or the age difference.

The best way to get over him is to start dating.  You have a lot of catching up to do.  Don’t get stuck on anyone who is not as interested in you as you are in him. 

Is This Cub Too Young?

Hi Lucia,

I met a very, very attractive successful younger man on line who lives in another state. We have passed the last several months talking via phone, email and IM. He has already said he will fly out to visit with me, which I am looking forward to.  He is 26 years old.  Can this really work?  

I tried asking my girl friends and family members but everyone just laughed and said, “No”.  I am a hopeless romantic.  Am I reading too much into this?  Hoping in Florida

Hi Hoping,

There is nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic, as long as you are also a cautious romantic!  When you ask if this can work, I’m assuming you mean as a relationship.  That will depend on his level of maturity and what he’s looking for at this point in his life.  While some 26 year old men are ready to settle down, most aren’t.

Let him show you who he is.  Are the majority of your conversations sexual?  How hard will he be pushing to have sex when he comes to visit?  If you get the vibe that it’s just about sex, then it is.  A guy who is interested in a relationship will not want to offend you by bringing up sex too soon and too much.

As usual, time will tell.  So just lean back, relax and watch to see if he’s interested in you, or just in sleeping with you.