I've Always Dated Cougars!

Hi Lucia,

Wow I'd never heard of this website until today - enjoyed exploring it.

I'm a 28 year old guy who has always dated ladies over 40. I would never date anything less.  I have discovered a lot of people are afraid to come out of the closet when they are in these relationships and I would love to encourage people to come out and realize what they are doing is not morally wrong. These relationships can be more successful than any other.

I would love to volunteer with you Lucia to encourage more people to follow their heart but also carry their brain in these relationships.

Let me know if there is a way to volunteer my time.

Clive

Hi Clive,

Thanks for your interest.  I'll definitely keep you in mind!

Is There A Future with a 22 Year Old?

                                                                              

Hi Lucia,

I recently started dating a 22 year old – I’m 42.  I gotta say, he’s so sweet and loving.  At the same time, I wonder what he's doing?  I’m really feeling him and I'm afraid I'm thinking about him or considering him too much. 

I know and understand he deserves a life where he would marry a woman that can give him a family.  We haven’t discussed this but I did tell him "This is what it is, sooner or later, it has to be over.”  He has been distant since then, but we have a cruise scheduled for next month.  How should I be taking this all?   I do feel he cares for me deeply.   Zatima

Hi Zatima,

Yes, guys in their early 20s are sweet and loving, and one of the reasons is because they’re idealistic about love.  You and I both know the chances of this leading to marriage or a long term commitment are slim to none, but he wants to believe that maybe, somehow, it might.  When you told him there was no future, you burst his bubble.  I wouldn’t have recommended that you say that to him, however, you obviously can’t take it back. 

Now you need to do some damage control.  Luckily, you have a cruise planned.  Pick a moment when you are both relaxed and in a great mood – maybe after sex - and say something like, “It feels great to be with you.  I know I said this will be over sooner or later, but you never know what might happen!”  Smile, give him a kiss and never bring the subject up again!

Where Can I Find A Cougar?

Hi Lucia,

I'm a personal trainer in Los Angeles and I've found myself more attracted to much older women because they seem to know what they want and have little or no shame in being who they want to be.  I could go on for days as to why older women are just so much more appealing but I'll spare you.

My problem is that I'm a young, handsome man in very good shape but I am finding it hard to meet older women. How do I go about finding older women that are into young men?  I have no clue what places to go to or even what sites to join. I prefer being able to look someone in the eye and talk with them but I'll take what I can get.  Rick

Hi Rick,

Hmm, let’s see.  A young, handsome, in shape guy in Los Angeles can’t find an older woman?  Somehow, I find that hard to believe, especially since most Cougars work out, so they are right in front of you – at the gym!

You can also try book stores, hotel bars, upscale restaurants and museums.  In terms of sites, I would recommend joining the free community at www.urbancougar.com, where there is also a list of Cougar Dens, as well as a link to the dating site www.thecougarconnection.com

Can this Cub be Trusted?

Hello Lucia,

I met this young man who expressed an interest in me.  He would usually call to find out how I was doing and so on.  Recently he asked me to visit him which I gladly did because he had visited me at home before.  

When I arrived he was not well dressed and I suspected he was up to something.  After some time I asked to leave but he said I should spend the night at his place which I declined.  Then he proposed that I should find time and spend one week end with him which I have not.

Now he doesn't call me as he used to.  When we first me he asked me if I was going to marry him.  He wanted me to take him to meet my parents.   I suspect he is up to something.   Can he be trusted?  What should I do?  Joyce

Hi Joyce,

Who says you have to do anything?  That’s the great thing about being the woman.  It’s up to the man to make the moves and for you to say “yay” or “nay”. 

It sounds like he wanted to have sex when you went to visit him and because you didn’t, he’s lost interest.  It doesn’t matter what he said when you first met.  Anyone can say anything.  Always look at actions first, not words.

If he calls you, great.  If not, move on.  There are plenty of fish in the sea!

I'm Distraught Over My Cougar!

Hi Lucia,

I'm 25 and dating a woman who is 44.   Someone joked about our age gap and ever since then, she's been very distant. She doesn't talk to me everyday or stay with me like she used too.   I've been very distraught over this and I’ll admit I've cried a few times because I feel she has no idea how much I love and care about her. Tony

Hi Tony,

I’m so sorry to hear you’re so upset.  She’s probably feeling embarrassed and ashamed, even though she’s not doing anything wrong.  Unfortunately, not everyone has a thick skin.

I would suggest you let her know you’d like to see her, even if it’s only in private.  I don’t see why she’d have an issue with that, unless there’s something else going on. 

I would also suggest you email her the link to my blog, so that she can see there are a lot of Cougar/Cub couples in the world who are not concerned about what other people think!  Good luck.

My Cub is Very Shy

Hi Lucia,

I'm 48 and my cub is 22.  We met online and have never met in person. We message each other daily. With men my own age I usually play somewhat aloof and do not accept daily chatter, however this young man is 26 years my junior and admittedly VERY SHY.

How should I treat him?   I don't want to lose him, but don't want to have him taking me for granted.  I also plan on not sleeping with him for 2 months.   What would you advise?

Hi Elle,

He’s 22!  Shy or not, he doesn’t have much life experience, never mind dating experience.  I don’t see this as something that’s going to be a long term thing.  Guys in their early 20s generally just want to have sex.  So, although he should treat you with respect, there’s not a lot you can do to make sure he won’t take you for granted.  In many ways, he’s still a kid.

It’s your choice when you sleep with him, but this is one of the few times when it really doesn’t matter – it’s not likely to change the outcome.  If he doesn’t want to have sex again after the first time, it doesn’t matter how long you waited and vice versa.

Will Cougars Date Teenage Cubs?

Hi Lucia,

Do Cougars ONLY look for 21+ age or will they also go for 18+.  Peter

Hi Peter,

It depends on the Cougar.  Most prefer guys over 21 for two reasons.  The first is so that they will be able to go to bars and clubs with them and the second is because they don’t like the thought of dating a teenager, especially if they have teenage children themselves.

However, there are some who have no problem dating someone who is not yet 21, especially if he is mature for his age.  Only thing you can do is ask!