Is He Too Young For a Commitment?

Hi Lucia,

I’m 36 and my boyfriend is 28.  We had been dating for 9 months when, because of his immaturity (putting his friends before me) we broke up. Shortly afterward I went on an overseas trip for a month with no cell phone.  Upon my return I found out he had been trying to reach me.

When we finally met up, he told me that during the time we had been apart, he realized how no woman would have wanted to deal with his “friends first” attitude.  He really thought we had something special and that we should try again.  I told him:  I’m 36, I’m over these stupid games, I want a family and a strong stable relationship, if you don’t want that, let’s not try again.  He assured me that’s what he wanted too.

Things are going great and we are now talking about living together but I’m scared that this will not work out and his age will someday come to bite me in the butt.   Last month on the day he gave his landlord notice, I freaked out and created a big fight.   He took it back and said since I wasn’t ready we could wait until I am.  Do you think he’s too young to make a serious commitment at 28?  Sarah

Dear Sarah,

There are men 10 years older than your guy that still aren’t ready for a commitment.  On the other hand, I’ve known guys in their mid-twenties that were mature enough to get serious, so it’s not the date on the calendar that counts, but what’s going on in his head.  If he’s sown his wild oats, is financially stable (meaning he has a steady job and a decent credit score) and is focused on his career, there’s no reason to believe his age will come back to bite you.

Do you think that maybe you might not be ready?  It’s interesting that you would freak out when things were about to move to the next level.  If you’re not 99% (because you’re never 100%) sure that he is “the One”, then keep dating and see what happens.  If he’s too young for a serious commitment, it will become evident soon enough.